Thursday, April 2, 2009

Spin Cycle: The Longest Time

"If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do,
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time"

When I met Jesse, I thought that he was the most beautiful, talented boy I'd ever met. I'd stand in front of his artwork in the gallery and wonder what he thought about when he made each piece.

"Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's when you found me,
when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time"

I put myself in a position to be used by everyone I met. I had learned that if someone could gain from you, they would and they wouldn't sweat the mess they left behind. Jesse made me feel calm. He didn't make the hair on the back of my neck raise. I sat next to him for hours in the computer lab as he worked, just to be near him.

"I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you,
and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened in the longest time"

Now we've been together forever. We are so different. The only things that we really have in common are our children and the memories we've made together. He still needs me to mother him sometimes, and I need him to make me feel truly safe. Sometimes I wake up next to him and remember what it was like when we were teens, and still a mystery to one another. When we could hold each other without knowing what the other was thinking. When we weren't thinking about the dishes in the sink, or the mortgage, or a deadline. When our answer was almost always, "Yes, baby."

"I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself, hold on to your heart
Now I know the [man] that you are
It's wonderful so far
And you're more than I'd hoped for"

I read somewhere that the secret to staying married was simply to stay married. I get it. Every few years or so, we'll let an argument go just a little too far and I'll think, "Oops. There may be no coming back from that one." The next morning always brings a new day, and my husband's love with it.

"I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad,
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time"

Sometimes home can't be found where you think you'll find it. Sometimes love isn't what you thought it was. For me, it's all wrapped up in one handsome, crazy talented, moody guy.

"Whoa Oh Oh Oh For the longest time
Whoa, Oh Oh Oh For the longest time"

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Click here to read more spins about "Time" at Sprite's Keeper.