Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Rambunctious Penii

First of all, this isn't as exciting as it sounds.

I refrained from writing about it because, well, because I generally only rant about this kind of stuff to my mother.

But then, Mrs. Jelly Belly asked and I thought, "Well, why the hell not?!"

My youngest son, Walker Cash, has a talent that I'd never heard of before he joined our family. He can, at any time, pee out of his diaper. Now mind you, after MULTIPLE instances of him standing up in his crib and peeing all over his bedding, or walking upstairs and accidentally peeing on his little feet I check his diapers for gaps EVERY TIME I DIAPER HIM. So what gives? Well, I'll tell you...

His little peenee* somehow sneaks out of the leg hole of his Pampers and lays there against his leg, open to the cool refreshing breeze and more than willing to christen anything lower than his groin with tinkle. It's infuriating and adorable all at the same time. My son is darling (if I do say so myself) with red-gold curls and big grey eyes and a rosy pout. Add a cute wayward penis, his signature glower and arms held out for help and he's absolutely irresistible. Unless you haven't had enough children to be immune to urine.

Despite that, some days I just do not want that extra load of laundry, to negotiate the extra bath, to re-mop that part of the get my drift. (And) then I wail and gnash my teeth to my mother, crying variations of, "What the hell?! Why me?!" She told me that he must have a rambunctious peenee. I don't know why I made up a plural form. Probably pee poisoning.

* I have always referred to body parts by their "real" names. I have no idea why I always think, "Peenee" when Walk's privates go public. Maybe I just think "Teeny" and "Penis" all at once. He's not going to appreciate this post when he's grown, is he?! Yeah, well...payback's a bitch! LOL :p